Kamini Wood on How Coaching Can Help You Become Your Authentic Self

[00:00:00] What I do is I work with individuals one on one, essentially for them to learn how to live their best life.

[00:00:08] And what I mean by that is we work together to uncover where certain beliefs or narratives are holding them back so that they can live into their highest human potential.

[00:00:16] Welcome to the Wheel With It podcast with your host Devon at Wheel With It.

[00:00:20] We are dedicated to exploring DEI issues in a fair, balanced and fun way. Let's get into the episode.

[00:00:26] Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of Wheel With It. My name is Devon Wieters.

[00:00:32] Today we have Kominie, word on the show. Kominie is a life coach for children and adolescents, adults, pretty much everybody.

[00:00:41] And she helps them reach the highest potential and be their authentic self. So I know you guys are going to be inspired.

[00:00:49] I learned a lot with this one and I know you wrote too. And I loved having her. She was a delight. So please enjoy this episode with Kominie.

[00:00:59] Welcome to another episode of Wheel With It.

[00:01:06] And today we have somebody that actually requested to be on this podcast, which means so much to me.

[00:01:14] Her name is Kominie Wood. Did I get that right? I'm sorry. She corrected me on the pronunciation before we got on here and I still got it wrong.

[00:01:23] Kominie, how are you today?

[00:01:25] I am very well. I'm very well. Thank you for having me.

[00:01:28] Thank you for requesting me. We don't get those up there around here.

[00:01:33] Tell us about yourself and then we'll go from there.

[00:01:38] Awesome. Yeah, a little bit about me. I am currently based in North Carolina, but I actually grew up in Connecticut. Personally, I am the mom of five.

[00:01:48] My oldest is 22. My youngest is 10. So I have three girls and two boys.

[00:01:53] But professionally what I do is I work with individuals one-on-one, essentially for them to learn how to live their best life.

[00:02:02] What I mean by that is we work together to uncover where certain beliefs or narratives are holding them back so that they can live into their highest human potential.

[00:02:10] So how did you get into that?

[00:02:12] I would love to say it was a very linear path and it makes total sense, but it actually doesn't at all.

[00:02:17] I actually started off my professional career as a project manager in the dot-com industry.

[00:02:24] I ended up running the project management office for said dot-com. During that whole part of my world, I ended up finding myself really enjoying working with individuals on understanding what they needed in order for them to accomplish their tasks to get the project done.

[00:02:42] So I kept finding myself really aligning with the human part of the project management, not necessarily the project management part.

[00:02:50] But I also then from there went on to run a law practice and again, even in that role, found myself really invested in understanding what the clients needed, but then also understanding what the employees needed from a personal and professional perspective.

[00:03:06] So continually helping them grow into who they wanted to be. So that was what was happening professionally.

[00:03:12] At a personal level, one of the things that I often share is I am the daughter of two immigrant parents grew up in a very small town in Connecticut predominantly white.

[00:03:21] And I share that because being a five or six year old girl where you are darker skin than everybody else in the room, your name is different, Common is obviously a different name, you stick out and so as a five or six year old little girl there was this need to belong and need to be accepted.

[00:03:38] And in doing so, I developed people pleasing tendencies because I quickly learned that if people were happy and happy with me specifically I would be accepted into the group.

[00:03:50] Also being a daughter of immigrant parents who were wanting to make sure they could provide for my sister and I they were working really hard.

[00:03:58] And I did not want to create waves for them or to be a burden in any sense so I also really part of perfectionism is it is part of my personality but it really developed even stronger from an early age because I did not want to mess up or cause issues for my parents.

[00:04:14] So, very early on, I really was this people pleasing perfectionist and those tendencies carried through with me throughout my life. And as I became a mother, and I often say that my kids have been my best teacher in life, and they were really truly my catalyst to take that that look at

[00:04:31] myself is where could these people pleasing perfectionist tendencies be holding me back and the reason I say that is, I was watching them mirror back to me.

[00:04:40] A lot of people pleasing a lot of perfectionism very harsh on themselves. And so as I did that self reflection recognizing that was coming from me.

[00:04:49] I did a lot of self work, and a lot of understanding itself and understanding of where these stories and narratives came from what served me and what didn't.

[00:04:59] And going through that process of letting things go and that's where I had that moment of awareness and recognition that self journey that I was on matched with what I really love to do from a professional standpoint really work with people.

[00:05:11] And so it was calling me to bring those two things together and to create a practice where I could then now pay this forward and work with people one on one, to help them figure out what it was that could be holding them back in order to achieve what they want to either personally and professionally.

[00:05:27] So what's your role as a coach.

[00:05:30] And the way that I see it is I am my first of all I, my role is to create a completely emotionally safe space for my clients right so they can figure out and talk about and work through whatever they need to in that space where they feel like there's going to

[00:05:45] be a lot of criticism of what they're doing but rather loving challenges of maybe how they're looking at things. My role is truly to be that person support system and co collaborator to help draw out of them what's already there, because I truly believe that each one of us has that

[00:06:01] understanding of what we're doing. It's just that through experiences or messages or just all the things that we go through in life those things get covered up. And so my role is to help pull that out and to help my clients understand themselves on that deeper level

[00:06:16] because when we really think about it.

[00:06:19] And most of us don't have that true understanding of ourselves.

[00:06:23] That is awesome. How can we be more passionate towards ourselves and toward ourselves and use that form our understanding.

[00:06:34] Yeah, I find that it is. It seems to be so much easier for us to be compassionate to other people where we're able to offer this kindness to everybody else but for some reason, we are so judgmental of ourselves.

[00:06:47] And so what I often tell people is when you're first learning how to bring self compassion into your world and how to be kinder to yourself sometimes it's actually easier to almost talk to yourself in third person, or to give yourself a little bit of space because

[00:07:03] what I'm saying when we're developing self compassion is, can you offer yourself that same kindness that you would your best friend or a family member that you truly love, right because it is about kindness over judgment.

[00:07:15] It's about recognizing that we're going to make mistakes and it's not the mistakes that are in it. They're not a problem they're just an opportunity for us to then say okay, what did I learn and what action can I take to move myself forward.

[00:07:28] But when we get stuck in judgment, we shut all of that down. And we don't move forward. We hold ourselves kind of prisoner to whatever that mistake was.

[00:07:36] Yeah, without getting into too much detail I went through a lot from we all did but from 2020 to 2022, especially and because of my CP.

[00:07:52] If I gain weight, it's basically impossible to move and I basically lose skills. It's not degenerative but the more body you have to move around obviously the harder it is.

[00:08:07] I ate my feelings and gained a lot of weight so I lost a lot of skill. And I'm like, if I hadn't done that because it was I don't want to say my fault because it wasn't but I could have not been in the situation.

[00:08:24] And so I'm like, if I had not involved with that or done that I'd been so much better off but you just have to say, okay, we'll get it back and just going to be a lot of work but we'll get it back but it's just hard even for me to not go into that.

[00:08:40] Yeah, that judgment mode right that I should have done this or I why did I do that but you mentioned something really important it's recognizing there was emotions that were happening.

[00:08:52] And then the choice was made maybe to and you put it in the way of saying eat my feelings but what that really says is wow, that must have been really hard. What we were going through. And so as we work through it it's what can I learn and how might it be important to pay attention to our feelings moving forward.

[00:09:09] And then only that it was like, I had access to an aid to so other than my dad's I was like, I could be okay. Let's go to Starbucks whenever I wanted and so that didn't help me either but yeah yeah but I love what you said though about it may take some work, but we can work on it that's an element of kindness.

[00:09:32] So I'm like, that's what I've been trying to tell myself lately is and it's taken a lot of therapy don't get me wrong but that's what I've been trying to tell myself okay we can work on it.

[00:09:44] It's not the end so yes.

[00:09:47] What do you tell people in your coaching sessions.

[00:09:50] I know that's a hard left turn.

[00:09:53] But depends on what we're talking about oftentimes in our coaching sessions and the ones that I'm working with clients on. There's a lot of dialogue around helping them understand what, what's happening on a subconscious level right because a lot of times, we are responding to events or something externally, and we're not paying attention to what's

[00:10:17] happening internally for us. So a lot of the coaching that I do helps my clients become aware of what's happening internally from some external events because when we have that awareness, we then can take values based action to move ourselves forward.

[00:10:34] We don't have that awareness for an autopilot and we don't, we're not really fully engaged with what's going on in our world. And so I'm in the work that I do with individuals what I found is that's usually where we end up feeling stuck or stagnant is because it's not really we're not really being generative or just reacting to things.

[00:10:52] So a lot of the coaching around that I do is also around how do we shift into generative choices versus just reacting to things.

[00:11:00] Yeah, that's that that's basically what me and my therapist to every other week is, Oh, what is that going up for you. I'm like, No, because I've never been asked something like that before. And I'm like, Yeah, so you have five kids.

[00:11:18] I was asked how is it raising kids in three because I was watching the social media child safety hearing in Congress the other day. It was terrifying.

[00:11:32] Oh, gosh, I'm going to be totally honest with my answer. It is terrifying. The world that our teens and young adults are in right now is completely different than when I grew up first of all, there are so many mediums and channels that our children have access to and that can have access to them as well.

[00:11:53] And so I have really leaned into the concept of conscious parenting, meaning being very well aware of what's coming up for me and making sure I'm not projecting my own stories or fears onto my kids.

[00:12:07] But the other thing that's been really important for me in terms of raising my kids right now is really honing in on how to create an environment with my kids where communication is key for them to know that no matter what it is that they need to share that

[00:12:22] even if I am upset, it is still a safe space, right? Because with what's going on in our world and just it's moving so fast. The ability to know that no matter what's going on, my kids will share that with me is just paramount to me right now.

[00:12:39] Because it is so difficult to know and keep track of everything. Just thinking about the social media mediums that my kids and all kids have access to, it's almost impossible as a parent to pay attention to every single one of those.

[00:12:52] I know.

[00:12:53] It would take all day for me.

[00:12:56] And even if you take your phone away, they want to do it bad enough though.

[00:13:01] They're going to figure out a way to do it. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely.

[00:13:08] So honestly, what it comes down to for me is creating a place where communication is paramount. Yeah. Yeah. It's terrifying what our kids have to go through and it's terrifying.

[00:13:19] I was going to say I even work with teenagers and I will say the things that they share with me in terms of the bullying that happens. It's real. These kids, there's a lot of pressure on them and there's a lot of pressure as well.

[00:13:32] It's terrifying what young adults have to go through. Oh my God. I want to say it's crazy. I'm not going to, but it's crazy and it's crazy. What do you do that for teens that's different from adults in a coaching session?

[00:13:48] So the thing that I will say to people is that our teens and our young adults, they're going through a lot of the same perfectionism, achievement pressure.

[00:13:57] It's just a different realm. And when I say different realm, our teens and young adults, our brains aren't fully formed until we're about 25 to 28 years old.

[00:14:06] So the coaching session itself, we can't necessarily, the dialogue is not going to be the same, but the core concepts of helping those teenagers and young adults know who they are, work towards self-acceptance to really build self-esteem and self-confidence to give them the ability to know that their opinions and their voice do matter.

[00:14:30] That's really the crux of what we're doing in those sessions. The dialogue, like I said, is going to be slightly different because the way that you approach the conversation with somebody who's 16 is going to be different than somebody who's 40, 40 plus.

[00:14:43] But ultimately we're getting to the, we're getting to a very similar space of that deep sense of self-acceptance, especially with teenagers, with the social pressures, the family pressures, academic pressures, extracurricular activity pressures, all of those things.

[00:14:57] Like you think about those realms where they're feeling that pressure, having that space where they can talk about it and name it. And I'm a firm believer that we have to pay attention to the feelings that we have and the emotions that we have because those are data packets to give us information of what we might need.

[00:15:11] So again, a lot of those conversations is empowering these kids to know that their feelings are valid, that their feelings matter, and then to get really curious with it and give them a voice to say what it is that they need.

[00:15:22] Because that's really key is our kids being able to communicate what it is that they need.

[00:15:26] Awesome. So do you have a favorite sex story from coaching?

[00:15:30] I have lots of great stories. I have had conversations with teenagers who've gone on to college and have really come into their own in terms of their self-confidence, and they've flourished in college, which has been amazing to be a part of that experience.

[00:15:45] And then I've worked with adults and especially adults who maybe are coming out of a toxic relationship, who have really found their own voice and have recognized that they actually can trust themselves to be on their own.

[00:15:58] And that's been amazing to be a part of. And then of course you have the individuals who were scared to start their business, and then I worked with them and we coached through it and really we unpacked where some of those fears were coming from.

[00:16:10] And then they've gone on to start their business and they're loving what they're doing. So it's not a story, it's a combination of many different experiences.

[00:16:19] Ultimately I will say the thing that I love the most is just seeing the transformation. And I truly mean that because when people have those moments where they see themselves in such a different way and they talk to themselves differently, it is...

[00:16:31] That's where I get filled up. It just lights me up.

[00:16:34] Yeah. Anything else you want to add before we get off here?

[00:16:37] No, I just... First of all, I want to thank you because I really appreciate you taking the time to invite me here.

[00:16:42] I really appreciate you requesting us. This is amazing.

[00:16:46] The most important thing that I love to share with people is that just remembering that our own uniqueness is actually the gift that the world needs. And it's really not about being like everybody else, it's about being yourself.

[00:16:56] That is awesome to end it on. We will put all the links to connect with you in the show notes and we will see you guys next episode. Bye guys.

[00:17:07] Thanks for joining us. We hope you enjoyed the show. Remember to follow the show and our guests on social media and subscribe to the show in your favorite podcast app using the links in the show notes.

[00:17:17] Please remember to rate and review us. See you next time.